Monster #: 8,305,934
What Is It: Just a cheerful, good-natured monster.
What Does It Want: He has no wants.
Why: Because he’s happy just being who is.
God I Hate Him: Me too!
Name: The Ahkturrian Worm
Monster #: 630,492
What Is It: A worm from the planet Ahkturria.
What Does It Want: To eat just about everything it sees.
How Big Is It: About as big as your house.
I Live In A Mansion: Yeah, he’s a big son of a gun.
Well, At Least I Don’t Leave on Ahkturria: Ahkturria is what they rename Earth in 20 years.
DAMNIT: Agreed. Ahkturria is a bad name.
Well, it would appear the monster I had lined up for today was accidentally published on Monday. So as a way of making it up, here are some comics I’ve done recently for the good folks at Grey Unicorn. All the comics can be read here:
Monster #: 982,034
What Is It: A very creepy female spirit.
What Does She Want: No idea. I don’t like the look she’s giving you though.
She’s Not Looking At Me, She’s Looking At You!: Sorry buddy, she only has eyes for you.
OH NO!!!: Hey, maybe she won’t be evil.
Name: Slippery Sam
Monster #: 45,230
What Is It: A very large sea snake.
What Does It Want: To live it’s life peacefully in the ocean.
How Slippery Is He: Very slippery.
How Slippery is “Very Slippery”: Extremely slippery.
Name: The Bledge
Monster #: 6,720
What Is It: Just a big, big monster.
What Does It Want: To eat sailors, ships, battleships, all that good stuff.
Why: Because they taste very good to him.
I Don’t Think They Taste Very Good: Well, you’re not a giant monster now are you?
… No: That’s what I thought.
Monster #: 93,320
What Is It: A woman with a dark secret.
What’s Her Secret: We don’t know. It’s very dark though.
Does The Secret Involve That Weird Thing Standing Behind: Probably, yeah.
Is It Looking At Me: Probably, yeah.
Monster #: 654,096
What Is It: An icky little creature that lives at the bottom of the beach.
What Does It Want: To bite on your legs.
Wait, Some Weird Bite Marks Appeared On My Leg When I Was At
Cancun This Year: Really?
Does That Mean… : I think it does.
Oh God: Yeah, it’s pretty freaky.
Am I Going To Die: I dunno, maybe.
MAYBE!!?: I don’t know! I just write the entries!
This is a comic I did for the good folks at Grey Unicorn. It was not originally intended to run on the 4th of July but boy is it weirdly appropriate. You can read it on their website here:
This is also the closest I’ll ever get to working for DC Comics.
Name: The Love Thing
Monster #: 5,240
What Is It: A creature that loves love.
What Does It Want: To help people fall in love.
Why: Because it’s the only one of it’s kind.
How Tragic: See, this is how it all comes together.