Name: The Grundler
Monster #: 124,554
What Is It: A monster who delights in others’ failures.
What Does It Want: To see everyone embarrass themselves.
Why: Because it has poor self-esteem.
That’s Not Right: No it’s not.
Name: The Hidden Face
Monster #: 6,540
What Is It: The hidden face we all hide from the world.
What Does It Want: To reveal itself.
Is It… Bad: Sometimes.
Can I Stop It: Not all the time.
Monster #: 8,305,934
What Is It: Just a cheerful, good-natured monster.
What Does It Want: He has no wants.
Why: Because he’s happy just being who is.
God I Hate Him: Me too!
Name: The Ahkturrian Worm
Monster #: 630,492
What Is It: A worm from the planet Ahkturria.
What Does It Want: To eat just about everything it sees.
How Big Is It: About as big as your house.
I Live In A Mansion: Yeah, he’s a big son of a gun.
Well, At Least I Don’t Leave on Ahkturria: Ahkturria is what they rename Earth in 20 years.
DAMNIT: Agreed. Ahkturria is a bad name.
Well, it would appear the monster I had lined up for today was accidentally published on Monday. So as a way of making it up, here are some comics I’ve done recently for the good folks at Grey Unicorn. All the comics can be read here:
Monster #: 982,034
What Is It: A very creepy female spirit.
What Does She Want: No idea. I don’t like the look she’s giving you though.
She’s Not Looking At Me, She’s Looking At You!: Sorry buddy, she only has eyes for you.
OH NO!!!: Hey, maybe she won’t be evil.
Name: Slippery Sam
Monster #: 45,230
What Is It: A very large sea snake.
What Does It Want: To live it’s life peacefully in the ocean.
How Slippery Is He: Very slippery.
How Slippery is “Very Slippery”: Extremely slippery.
Name: The Bledge
Monster #: 6,720
What Is It: Just a big, big monster.
What Does It Want: To eat sailors, ships, battleships, all that good stuff.
Why: Because they taste very good to him.
I Don’t Think They Taste Very Good: Well, you’re not a giant monster now are you?
… No: That’s what I thought.
Monster #: 93,320
What Is It: A woman with a dark secret.
What’s Her Secret: We don’t know. It’s very dark though.
Does The Secret Involve That Weird Thing Standing Behind: Probably, yeah.
Is It Looking At Me: Probably, yeah.
Monster #: 654,096
What Is It: An icky little creature that lives at the bottom of the beach.
What Does It Want: To bite on your legs.
Wait, Some Weird Bite Marks Appeared On My Leg When I Was At
Cancun This Year: Really?
Does That Mean… : I think it does.
Oh God: Yeah, it’s pretty freaky.
Am I Going To Die: I dunno, maybe.
MAYBE!!?: I don’t know! I just write the entries!